You ever get that feeling the world is laughing at you behind your back?

Why is it so hard to breathe? Maybe it's because part of me doesn't want to. Fuck that part.

I upset Marie again today. There were a couple of things I did, but the main one was that I told her that I didn't think Makayla is ugly. "That's the kind of stuff T.K. did," she said. That kind of hurt, but I suppose she's right. I'm tired of Makayla. I really am. She does nothing but make Marie paranoid, and I would gladly never talk to her again if it would make my baby happy. I know it wouldn't... nothing I do does.

I asked Marie a while ago what she didn't like about me, so I could change it. She wouldn't tell me. I now know what I need to do (or stop doing):

1)I'm insensitive. I tell the truth about things, and it hurts her. I need to stop.

2)I'm jealous of everyone she talks to. I realize how that must make her feel. I know what it feels like to know I'm talking to someone my baby hates.

3)I need to quit telling her I hate her friends. If they're good enough to be her friend, then I should accept that and shut my fucking mouth.

I really hope I can make things better. I know that she's never as happy as she appears to be, and that she's hiding her pain from me, but I want more than anything for her to really be happy. I want to show her that not everyhing hurts. Of course, I can't do this if I'm the one that's hurting her. And I want her to believe that I love her. She doesn't right now, and it makes me sad... but I will prove it to her. I don't care what it takes...